I’m a Cheater

I cheat sometimes. Let’s just get that out in the open.

I’m a cheater.

There, I said it. Sometimes I order my groceries to be delivered or for them to shop for me and meet me outside and put everything in my car. Sometimes I bring my dog to daycare so he can play with other dogs and get tired so I don’t have to walk him. Sometimes I walk him while someone is shopping for my groceries.

I’m a cheater in other ways too, don’t think it’s that simple.

I’ve cheated on myself.

I cheated myself out of a million loads of laundry by teaching my daughters at a very young age how to wash their own. And I cheated myself out of making a million lunches and maybe half a million dinners by also teaching them how to cook. I’ve cheated myself out of some emotional times by teaching them that they can solve their friendship problems on their own as they navigated their way through childhood and their teens. 

I cheat at the holidays too.

As a baker, I have somehow figured out how to not have to bake for the holidays because my husband (sometimes with the help of his sister and some of my kids) would make apple, pumpkin and lemon meringue pies while I steer clear of the kitchen. 

Don’t worry, I have to cook so much that it definitely makes up for that. But that’s another place I cheat. 

I cheat on the turkey!

After years of trying to jam in a very large bird into a very small oven, and just as many years of trying to cook everything ahead of time so that the oven was free for said gigantic bird, I got a stand alone electric roaster.

When we finally renovated and expanded our kitchen, I had two ovens and I was in heaven! But that meant I could now cook more stuff as the bird was cooking, or those pies could be baking and we’d have another oven to keep food warm. That electric roaster would come out of the basement for every holiday and the big ass bird could be left alone to cook to perfection. Besides, a lot of times our bird was around 24lbs and it didn’t usually fit in any oven roasting pan AND I didn’t enjoy having to bend down awkwardly to lift up that sucker and all it’s boiling hot juices.

My sister cheats too. I don’t know if she does it all the time, but I know that she’s DEEP FRIED her turkey and I count that as cheating. Have you done that? I know many people have done it. All cheaters.

But that’s not the only way I cheated on the bird.

It’s been over 15 years since I read an article in Gourmet magazine, where they recommended dressing your bird and getting it into a really hot oven. Like 450-500º hot. And you leave it alone, no basting every half hour, no more getting up at 4am to get that bird ready and into a low heat oven for 12-17 minutes a pound. I tried it that first time I read that magazine, and I haven’t looked back. Our big breasted birds would could in just a couple of hours, all the way through, with a gorgeous golden brown, crispy skin and OMG so juicy. SOOOO juicy. Which in turn meant I could make homemade gravy to actually feed an army. Or just my husband with all of his leftovers. 

Even the article sounds like it’s cheating! Check it out online HERE.